Non-Jews are for practice
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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