watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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