it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
