You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
