i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
