I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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