is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
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