The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
