i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
