That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
