I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
