I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
