Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
