He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
