I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Randomize
