Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
