There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
