I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
