Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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