We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
