why didn't you poke me back
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
