plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
