I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
What a dumb baby whore.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
