life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
