you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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