chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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