Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
