I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
