we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
