I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
