More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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