I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
