p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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