3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
two words...techno handjob
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
