I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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