I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
