I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
