By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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