eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
