Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
