I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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