I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
