Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
