I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
