Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
