I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
