My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
