god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
