just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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