I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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