He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
