two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
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